What better way to merge the Czech and Slovak film project with the sci-fi one than with a real piece of junk? Melchiad Koloman is truly, truly awful, and the fact that it holds the title of the very first science fiction film produced in Czech lands does nothing to redeem it.

There’s a Czech, a Japanese man, and an Indian fakir who… no, really, I swear they’re actually in it! Professor Dobner (František Čekanský) is desperately searching for the secret of Melchiad Koloman (Josef Javorčák), a man who discovered the philosopher’s stone just before being killed. With the help of Nakahito the Japanese (Vojtěch Záhořík) and Arkaj the fakir (Josef Hořánek), Dobner tries to bring him back to life, using young Marcel (Rudolf Liebscher) as a test subject. Marcel, in the meantime, manages to start a romance with Vlasta (Táňa Horská), Dobner’s daughter, just before the experiment begins. On the big day, Arkaj succeeds in reviving Koloman with the aid of bizarre electrical machinery invented by Dobner. Koloman writes down the formula but then vanishes while tampering with the machines. Nakahito first tries to poison Dobner and later dies in a fire caused by Koloman’s meddling, which destroys the lab and makes it inaccessible. Once again, Dobner is left without the philosopher’s stone, but at least he gets to become a grandfather after his daughter marries Marcel.

The film is painfully rough, both in its caricature-like plot and in terms of cinematography. The camera is static, sometimes off-center, alternating between extreme close-ups and shots where the characters are ridiculously far from the frame. It’s probably no coincidence that this was Rudolf Liebscher’s first and only film. I really don’t have much else to say—if it weren’t for my completist obsession, I would have gladly skipped it. Melchiad Koloman is basically an ode to my masochism.

This article was originally published in Italian on emutofu.com